Tending
I haven’t been writing. I don’t know if I’m sorry about that or not. I’m doing what I feel like doing as much as possible, so if writing here isn’t on that list, I don’t do it. I can’t bring myself to write about trivialities right now, and writing about the detritus or mending of my relationship is harrowing.
Mostly I just don’t want to talk about it. Mostly I want to pretend it didn’t happen, or it didn’t happen as badly as I remember it, or it happened but these things happen and we’re just taking a little time.
I still say we. He still calls me sweetheart. Maybe we’re kidding ourselves. Maybe we all do.
There has been some concern that I’ll disregard my needs, that I’m not paying attention to them, that perhaps I don’t know them. Were he here, this would likely be the case. I wrap myself so fully around him, content to orbit. But with him gone, and as he intended, I don’t have any choice right now but to consider myself. Ad nauseum.
I get dressed. I do my hair and makeup. I go to work. I wear cute shoes. I go to lunch with friends. I laugh. I have dinner with my father. I rent all the movies I want to see and none that he would. I call my mom and cry. I cuddle my dogs. I buy food I love. I go to the doctor. I pay my bills. I put away my laundry. I go to bed early. I read and read and read.
And I hope.
From one orbiter to another – I get it.
When I got a divorce I found myself taking care of myself. And it was weird.
Betsey’s last blog post..I’ve Been Laying Low
Honestly, you have no idea how happy it makes me that you still have your dogs; I was wondering about that but didn’t want to ask, obviously.
Mmm… this really is a nothing-comment, isn’t it? Ah, whatever: thinking of you, Gyps.
Love Ry
Ryan’s last blog post..
The makeup thing amazes me. Good for you. Continued hugs.
NATUI’s last blog post..Chickety China, The White House Chicken
I read several posts but had to stop. I hope this works out for you. But even more, I hope it never happens to me. Which could be the most selfish thing anyone has ever said.
Here In Franklin’s last blog post..Easter Conversations (not a post about religion)
I’m just glad to have a wave from you every now and then so we know you’re keeping your head above water. Dogs are good for keeping oneself afloat.
Kizz’s last blog post..Birthday: The Big Girl Version
Those sound like all good things, my friend. All good things.
Listen, you. Those things that you described? As long I know you’re doing them? I won’t worry as much as I am.
I know you’re so far from fine, in your own head. But you are doing GOOD, okay? You. are. doing. good. goddammit.
And I’m still here in your corner. Growling and pulling for you.
(You’re welcome to take an extremely long road trip to punch things with me, anytime.)
Blunt’s last blog post..You know that feeling you get when you know absolutely you shouldn’t publish something? This is it.
“Maybe we’re kidding ourselves. Maybe we all do.” Eek, that was good.
Ginny’s last blog post..Because the Catholic Girls Can Be Forgiven
that’s where faith comes in, yeah?
flutter’s last blog post..Be you
I don’t know what to root for, but I know I’m rooting for you, whatever that may bring you.
You don’t have to write when you don’t want to, and when you want to, you can write about anything you please or anything you need to. See, you’ve got us wrapped around your finger there, Gypsy. You could throw us a medical dosage and indications from the back of an asprin box and if you did it in your way we would eat that shit up.
bluestreak’s last blog post..A Blue Goodbye
I’m happy to read that you are continuing life on your own beat, despite being delt a bit of a shitty deal. Sorry if I sounded harsh in my previous comment (I was one of the people worried about you)….I know you’re one tough chick, but I also know that what you had with Him was real and true and that turns all of our knees to mush at certain times. The things we all do for love. But women are tough that way and we find ways to mend…sure, we cry, but we soldier on, because sometimes we have to.
I wish you everything you need, want and dare to dream. You deserve it all…and then some. Keep doing what you need to do…and you’ll figure out how to get to an easier place.
much love
wn’s last blog post..Is this the best you could come up with?
As long as that last paragraph is true – as long as you’re doing the simple and necessary – you’ll get through.
A Free Man’s last blog post..Is that nauseating stream of words really dripping from your tongue?
Whatever gets you through this is the right thing to do. Take time to do the really “just for you” stuff. You deserve it, and it will help. Thinkin’ of you.
Chanda’s last blog post..Stating the Obvious
Start with a day at a time. If that doesn’t work out, take it an hour at a time. If that’s too much, then get through each minute as they come.
Just keep moving.
Beej’s last blog post..Man’s Best Friend
The writing part will come when you are ready for it. As for the rest, I find alcohol helps me a lot.
I’m with you on the whole not wanting to write about it, and I don’t have nearly your excuse.
I know you’ll come through, and isn’t that sort of the bitch of it? That somewhere in our gothic-loving hearts we want the goddamn world to stop on its axis, because it feels that frigging world-stopping bad? That surviving, while admirable and tough, doesn’t always cut it? And yet, what else is there, if we want to stay for the end of the story?
Guys…ear! Pass the dutchie girl!
PS – happy belated birthday! Glad it was festive!
we_be_toys’s last blog post..Perspective
Obviously I’m no expert, but it seems blogging should be for when you feel it. If you’re not feelin’ it, then eff it.
I’m glad to hear you’re doing things for you– I’m sure that must be the silver lining? as if.
Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Sand Dunes and Beaches and Bowling, oh my.
Wow. Taking care of yourself. Sounds great but I know, at the same time, you’re hurting.
Just keep doing what you’re doing. The rest will come later.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Facebook’s Class of ‘90