Who needs a man?
We all know that I’m no stranger to bedroom accessories. I’m what you might call a fan. And though I recently trashed all of my toys due to male pattern bastard behavior, erotic retailer Eden Fantasys was there in the clinch with two brand spanking new adult toys without all that relationship drama aura lingering over them.
Now. About that other toy they so saucily sent me: the Twist ‘n Shout. I’m gazing at it longingly right now. Flirting coquettishly, even. Blushing maybe. Because this thing is like talk dark and handsome all wrapped up with Indiana Jones and every pirate/knight/Viking/Cowboy/half-breed Indian romance novel I’ve ever read. It’s possible I’m exaggerating, but not by much.
Oh, I’ve had dual-action vibrators before. You know, the rabbit kind. But this is… well, it’s different with him. On a purely aesthetic note, he’s purple silicone. Lavender, really, which is rather attractive, in an approachable way. He’s not afraid to get wet. And he’s got this knob on him — it’s bulbous and heavy and thick. Then his shaft just kind of swirls. (I’m getting a little overheated now.) And there’s this appendage with little wiggly bits that just… oooh. Heaving bosoms. But it’s what’s on the inside that matters: he pulses at the knob, wriggles in the shaft, and buzzes up around the front.
Excuse me… I need a minute.
This guy? He’s for keeps. He does exactly what I say, in a multitude of ways, and I can just program him to do whatever I want at the press of a button. It is almost overwhelming, almost too much. Is it love? No. But it’s a close second.
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I have to apologize to the wonderfully accomodating folks at Eden Fantays for putting up with my slowness in posting these reviews. They really have been great.
Oh, how I understand. Completely. Although, I have only gone as far as the rabbit variety. Hrm. I see some shopping in my future!
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