A different kind of pearls

April 2008, will go down on record as the driest month ever for me and Lancelot. We’re talking Sahara, people. Well, for us anyway. There were reasons, and they were good ones, but it was frustrating and crazy-making and we ended up at each other’s throats. No sex in our household = cranky times infinity.

And now, wouldn’t you know it, our libidos are back on track, all systems are go, and the fucker has to go out of town for training and leaves me here to my own devices. And my own devices are this and this.

I also took the day off work today, and I get to spend all afternoon going through my backlog of feeds from the dirty blogs I read that I don’t access at work, what with Big Brother and all. Sometimes I just gotta submerge myself in the sleaze. (Like after I wear my pearls and put on my charm school persona.) And look at all the stuff I found (most NSFW, obviously):

My kind of mommy blog.

Cool web series on IFC.

Oooh, I’m definitely going to have to watch this: Swingtown. (SFW)

It’s almost time for Masturbate-a-Thon.

Look, it’s my people.

On girl crushing: “I was pretty impressed just that they could actually make facial expressions in front of a camera.” (SFW)

Number 10 is my fave. (should be SFW)

Oh, Jenna. Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. Sigh. (SFW)

How does your city measure up? Ranking the most sexually satisfied cities. (SFW)

Fuck the Pain Away, sung by Miss Piggy. So wrong it’s right. (SFW if you have headphones)

His superpower is what? Hung, by the people who brought us The Riches, which is beyond good. (SFW)

Awesome old porn movie posters.

It’s bad that I like cartoon porn, isn’t it? Ah well. I’m a child of Disney.

Well, that only took a couple of hours, but I think I’ve been through all my smutty feeds. I’m all updated on trashy happenings, etc. Tonight I’ll watch the last part of Pirates. So far I’m enjoying it — I didn’t even fast forward through the talking. Evan Stone is actually pretty funny (“They’re kissing with their tongues!”), and Jesus, he’s got a nice body.

Next up in my porn rental queue are High School Memories (damn, I love classic porn) and Bullets & Burlesque.

Friday and Lancelot’s return from Atlanta cannot come quickly enough.