Interview 2009: Of circuses and drugs and Neanderthals
I’m participating in A Free Man’s Interview 2009, which is a great opportunity to get to know some outstanding bloggers. Below is my interview. I’ll let you know when the interview I sent to my interviewee is up, too. Enjoy!
Hi there. I’m Mickey. I’ll be interviewing Gypsy today. She was assigned to me by A Free Man and I’ve only known her blog for a few hours, but in that time I’ve tried my best to get a handle on who or what (because really, we’re just taking her word for all of this) Gypsy is. Because I know her readers have a much deeper relationship with her writing than I could hope to understand in this limited amount of time, I won’t bother with any stupid “getting to know you” questions. Judging by her frequent discussions of masturbation, unabashed drug use and unrequited love of Belinda Carlisle, I get the feeling she’s already been pretty open with you anyway. She seems like a pretty creative gal with a pretty active imagination, so I’m just hoping to draw on that a little. Hopefully her answers are as long as this wordy intro and my wordy questions. Let the interview commence!
In an attempt at research, I dove into your blog and found the following statement: “I dislike men who wear jewelry, who tuck in their t-shirts, who have thin wrists.” Now, I fully agree with and abide by the first two, but I’m having trouble with the third. I’ve always thought I have rather nice forearms but my hands are on the small side and betwixt the two, well, they’re the only wrists I’ve got. Can we still be friends? Please explain.
We can absolutely still be friends, I just might not want you to bend me over something. But then you didn’t want to do that anyway. And, after all, I am attached, so the point is moot. Friends can have whatever size wrists they want — it’s sexual partners who have to live up to my wrist-to-forearm-to-hand ratio requirements.
As a rule, I’m generally attracted to the more Neanderthal of the male gender. Meaty, strong, solid. I mean, I don’t want to be bashed over the head and dragged into a cave or anything (ok, maybe I do, but gently), but I like my guys a little on the cro-magnon side. A pronounced brow, an instinct for survival, a desire to go off in the woods and stalk large, dangerous beasts. These are all good things to me. Of course, my Lancelot is all these things but he can also cook a gourmet meal and appreciate an art gallery, so I call myself a lucky bitch.
But the thing is, really, I myself don’t have delicate wrists, and I just don’t want my guy to have thinner wrists than I do.
President Obama calls you up on the phone (as he’s wont to do on occasion, right?) and says “Gypsy, dude, I don’t feel so good today. I think I’ll just spend the rest of the day in bed with a case of strawberry Yoo-Hoo and watch the Meatballs DVD box set. Do me a favor and come up with some sort of new law that I can sign later so it looks like I did some work today.” It’s obvious he’s not even going to read it; he’ll just sign it into law. What’s it gonna be?
First, I’d be awfully jealous about the Meatballs DVD box set. My god, do I love that franchise. I even love the one with the dead porn star and Shannon Tweed. Except now that I think about it, Meatballs II was criminally stupid. I mean, an alien? Come on.
So, Obama needs me to come up with legislation, eh? I gotta go with a revision of the drug laws. And not because I like to have a toke every now and again. Well, not just because of that. I’d at least decriminalize marijuana but probably legalize it. And I’d change the sentencing requirements for drug offenders to keep the prison population down so that the justice system can focus on actual criminals. Our country has an entirely too puritan view of intoxicants, and the sooner that ends the better. Legalize it and tax the shit out of it and there’s my stimulus package — pack a legal bowl.
How do you imagine your life would be different if you had been born and raised in a traveling circus? (If in real life you actually were born into the circus, then what would be different about your life had you not been?)
Weren’t we all born into a circus? Lions and tigers and clowns and your uncle Jim with the wooden leg.
I’m kind of fascinated with the circus, really. It’s deliciously creepy. It’s all cotton candy and sex and violence and illusion and dirt and dung. It’s no wonder I loved Carnivale and Spangle.
If I’d been born and raised in a traveling circus, my father would have been the strong man and my mother a tightrope walker. I’d have had a pet monkey and I would have spent my days in leotards and boas and spangles. I might have started out in the tumbling troupe or doing acrobatics, but eventually I would certainly have gravitated toward fortune telling. Of course. Hello, Gypsy.
I’d have been home-schooled, I’m sure, but every town we’d go to I’d fall in love or lust with another townie boy. He’d love my little caravan draped with shimmery scarves and beaded curtains, and I’d tell him his future, which would likely not include me, but that was ok because he’d have that story to tell, of the time he’d loved a gypsy in a traveling circus and she’d let him pet her monkey.
Eventually, because of a dwindling economy and a change in societal focus toward all things electronic and modern, the circus would fall from favor and become increasingly more seedy and creepy, and the owner would be forced to close down, leaving us all in Gibsonton, where I’d chafe at the insulated freak show of our lives, not to mention Jo-Jo the Dog-faced Boy’s increasing and unwanted attentions, and I’d decide to go to college and major in something like psychology, where my skills at reading people would benefit a career as a therapist, telling people their future and their past. And I’d prop my crystal ball up by my diplomas and then maybe marry one of those townie boys and wear leotards and boas around the house.
Nice interview. And a circus? I could totally see that
Love this! Well done, Mickey. I have a question for you: Are you cute?
Finn’s last blog post..Hot? Or Not?
Great questions and equally great answers! One of the things I love about Gypsy is her talent for taking a topic and running with it. That whole circus thing was beautifully thought out – almost had me convinced it was for real.
Also? Why didn’t the Obama man ask Gypsy to be on his cabinet? Seems like an unwarranted oversight to me.
we_be_toys’s last blog post..Hindsight Doesn’t Amount to a Hill of Beans
Nice! I love interviews from perfect strangers.
Dirty Pirate Hooker’s last blog post..I’ll show you my privates.
Well crap, I totally want to do this, and not just because of my love for both meatballs and Meatballs.
rassles’s last blog post..Mental Anarchy
Rae: Me, too, but I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Toys: Oh, I can run a topic all over the place.
Shit, if Obama had asked me to be in his cabinet I would never have passed the vetting process. It would be this whole big media circus with tax problems and leaked naked pictures and a criminal record, and it just would not be pretty.
Hooker: Me, too.
Rassles: Do it! Just go sign up.
Another fantastic ‘Free Man Match’! Great questions and answers. I completely appreciate the new laws you’re recommending for Obama. Seroiusly, the mondern prison industrial complex sends me over an ugly edge.
mongoliangirl’s last blog post..Tucked In
Ku-fucking-dos guys. I had a good feeling about this pairing and you’ve come through with flying colors.
Meatballs, Neanderthals, Jo-jo the dog boy – brilliant!
A Free Man’s last blog post..It’s power man, power man, driving me insane
Bravo!
Whether or not my questions were any good, I’m glad I was given someone like you as the interviewee. Well done. I don’t know what made me go with circus on the third question, but now I feel positively prescient. Or maybe you would have answered any question with the same level of passion and creativity. That’s probably it.
Thanks for such a good showing. And I’ve never seen Meatballs.
mickey’s last blog post..And you thought birds were inconsiderate
Oh, and Finn: Yes I am, if you like a guy with thin wrists.
mickey’s last blog post..And you thought birds were inconsiderate
I went to grad school with a guy whose parents trained circus animals. He grew up in a neighborhood in Florida that was all circus folk. It must have been insane. Insane and wonderful.
Beej’s last blog post..Access Denied
What a fun post! You answered great too!
Carrie’s last blog post..Titles are hard to think of.
Mickey – As long as that’s the only thing that’s thin.
Did I really just type that? Bad Finn.
Finn’s last blog post..Hot? Or Not?
This was hysterical!
Finn, I’ll answer your question: Yes, Mickey is cute, and also taken.
courtney’s last blog post..Quiz It Up
Ah, but of course he is. C’est la vie/i>.
Finn’s last blog post..Hot? Or Not?
Great responses. I came because I’m a friend of Mickey’s, but I may end up adding you to my blog list. I really enjoyed your answers.
Jacob’s last blog post..This Man Is Not Actually Homeless
Oh, and Finn, I know straight dudes who think Mickey’s hot and I’m not even talking about myself.
Jacob’s last blog post..This Man Is Not Actually Homeless
Woah – way to raise the bar guys! Absolutely loved this one, well done!
Agnes’s last blog post..It’s possible I have a little OCD
Mongolian Girl: Yeah, it needs to be changed, and quickly. Before it gets worse.
A Free Man: Thanks!! We did pretty well, didn’t we?
Mickey: I don’t know where you got those questions from, but they were awesome. The circus? Perfect.
Beej: Did they live in Gibsonton?
Carrie: Thanks!
Courtney: It’s all thanks to Mickey’s insane questions.
Finn: You flirty flirt flirt.
Jacob: Thanks so much! Stick around.
Agnes: Aw, shucks.
These are fantastic questions and answers! That was a fun read!
Allie’s last blog post..Mannequin, McCarthy, Cusack, et al
I so love the way you write – That’s all
Great interview! And so specific! I’ve really enjoyed the interviews. AFM is a pretty cool dude when he isn’t being all snotty and shit.
Angel’s last blog post..Interviews – 2009
This was pretty much all-around awesome. Although I have to say that if I was born into the circus, I would definitely want to try my hand at cotton-candy making. That big whirly machine is the bomb.
Guys with thin wrists REALLY creep me out.
i can’t believe you have a wrist to arm ratio for your sexual partners. now, be honest…back in the day when you didn’t necessarily know the NAME of the guy you slept with, did you really notice his wrists before you started getting down or only in the middle of the nasty nasty? hmm…did a lover drop you on your head and now you have this wrist issue?
mary’s last blog post..
Great questions from Mickey and unsurprisingly sharp witten answers from Gypsy. I fucking love you.
bluestreak’s last blog post..Hope adorned
d7mAyT